During the last few months of her life, my grandmother Ruth, then 93, was too frail for family to adequately care for at home. With much reluctance, she and we all agreed that a nursing home was the best option. Within days of moving in, her positive approach to life and her gentle manner quickly won her many friends among fellow patients and made her a favorite of staff. She also won the heart of Juan.
Juan spoke no English. Ruth spoke no Spanish. But these two lovely people spent hours every day sitting side by side in the garden, hands clasped between the two wheelchairs. They’d point at birds and people of interest and smile and laugh. Both, who had been ill and failing, perked up considerably. The nurses, with a wink and a smile, reported stealthy night-time trips across the corridor that divided their rooms. Like the young lovers of songs and stories, they fooled no one and delighted everyone. It was wonderful to see them so happy.
Grandmother Ruth had had a long, comfortable marriage of 56 years but had been widowed for over 18 years. As much as she savored the memories of her husband, as much as she was loved by grandchildren and great-grandchildren, as much as she was hugged by family and friends, I learned that she had quietly longed for the loving contact of a romantic partner. “Oh, Marie,” she said softly when talking about Juan, “You don’t know how much I’ve missed being touched by a man who makes a fuss over me.” To which I replied, “You go girl!” – much to the distress of some of our relatives who thought the affair scandalous. But then, Grandma Ruth and I had been in cahoots about many things over the years.
I’ll be forever grateful to the nursing home staff who neither infantilized the two by calling them “cute” nor interfered. Juan and Ruth gave each other warmth, affection and love in a chapter of life when many feel that love and sex is long over. Love is decidedly not just for the young. Whether 15 or 95, we all long for emotional closeness and physical contact with someone who loves us.
The Dating Game at 60+
Want to find love again? If Juan and Ruth could light each other’s fires in their mid-90s, there’s no reason to think that you can’t find someone too. A few simple pointers may help.
- Start with giving yourself a pep talk. One of the clear advantages of being over 60 is the self-knowledge that comes with it. Take an honest inventory of what you have to offer another person and feel good about it. Remind yourself that someone out there is looking for a person with those very attributes.
- Don’t try to replace someone you’ve lost. No date wants to feel like a poor imitation of the real thing. You don’t want to end up disappointed because your date isn’t the long-lost twin of someone you’ve loved and lost. Let yourself enjoy looking for someone who is a new adventure, at least in some ways that matter.
- Let friends and acquaintances know that you are open to meeting someone special. Birds of a feather really do flock together. Chances are that single friends of friends are people you’ll have something in common with. You may be pleasantly surprised to find that the cousin of your best friend’s old college roommate is also looking but your best friend didn’t want to intrude. Once given “permission,” your social circle may well find the right person for you.
- Be honest about what you’re looking for. If, for example, you just want a companion for an occasional movie or concert or lunch, say so. You don’t want to inadvertently lead someone on who is looking for a soulmate and sexual partner.
- Consider online dating services as a way to enlarge your pool of eligible singles. If you’re not yet computer savvy, it’s way past time to learn. Sign up for a class or get your 8-year-old grandson to show you how to use the Internet and email. (It really is so easy a child can do it. You can too.) Join up with a reputable senior dating site and start having conversations with other senior singles. Whether or not they turn into dates, you’ll be expanding your network and getting practice talking with strangers who can become friends.
- Be reasonably cautious. Sadly, and no news to you, there are bad people in the world who look for vulnerable people to exploit. Don’t give out your name or address or phone number until you’ve had lots of talks online. Use an alias online until you feel safe. If someone starts to tell you tragic tales that end with requests for money, a place to live, or one of your kidneys, move on.
- Trust your instincts. You’ve lived long enough to sense when something is “off.” Don’t try to talk yourself out of it. Someone who comes on too strong, who tries to contact you 500 times a day, or who threatens to hurt himself or you if you don’t return their ardor and devotion is probably not a good bet. As flattering as they can be at first, such people are often too needy and possibly too unstable for the give and take of a healthy relationship. Say a kind and gentle goodbye, change your online alias, and move on.
- Know what you want. There’s no reason to settle for something else. If you don’t think you and a date or an online connection click, find a polite way to wish the person well as you send them on their way. Conversely, be willing to accept it when someone doesn’t think you’re the person of their dreams either. However nice you both may be, if it’s not a click, it’s not. You don’t want to waste your time developing a relationship you both already know will go nowhere.
- When you find yourself wanting to spend more time with someone who seems promising, please remember that you both already have pretty full lives. It’s not necessarily personal when your new sweetheart can’t find another time to be with you until two weeks from Thursday – when you can’t possibly do it because your granddaughter is in a dance recital. If you get more committed, it will become both more and less complicate: More because you’ll be introducing each other to the families; less because you can go to family events together.
- Don’t expect your adult kids to love your new love – at least not at first. They may be protective of you and suspicious of your partner. They may have strong loyalties to their other parent. They may be jealous of time spent with your partner’s family. They may worry that they will lose their inheritance. They may think you’re too old for love. Give them time to get to know your sweetheart and to get used to the idea that you two are an item. Give them reassurance by making sure your will is in order so that no one can accuse you or your partner of being a gold-digger and any inheritances are secure. If your new guy or gal is as special as you think, the kids will eventually think so too, especially if they see you happy.
When you do find that special someone you know you can love and who loves you back, go for it! Neither of you is getting any younger!
FAQs
Finding Love after 60? ›
A study from the University of Bath in the U.K. shows that the odds of finding love after 60 are 1 in 562 – but only if you leave meeting the love of your life to fate.
What are the odds of finding love after 60? ›A study from the University of Bath in the U.K. shows that the odds of finding love after 60 are 1 in 562 – but only if you leave meeting the love of your life to fate.
Is 60 to old to find love? ›As we get older, we still have a need for closeness and companionship. Many older people find themselves newly single, or simply decide now's the time to find a partner. Whether you're separated, bereaved, or have been single for some time, it's never too late to start a new relationship.
What does a 60 year old man want in a relationship? ›Most men in their 60s know what they want. They have rich love and life experience that has made them wiser, more thoughtful, and realistic. So, a 60-year-old man will most likely want your friendship, companionship, and attention. Most 60-year-old men look for someone who shares their interests and values.
What does a 60 year old woman want in a relationship? ›Most aging women seek someone with whom they can share daily lives, laughter, and adventures; a friend and a lover. Also, if you are 60 and up, you are most likely looking for a relationship based on honesty and fidelity, with no drama, addiction, or abuse.
How often do couples over 60 make love? ›By the age of 45, people have sex an average of 60 times per year, or just over once a week. By age 65, most people have sex around 20 times per year, or less than one time every two weeks.
Can a 62 year old find love? ›If you're a single man or woman over 50 entering the world of mature dating, there's a good chance you haven't dated since you were in your twenties. Don't worry. Finding true love can happen to anyone, at any age.
Can a 60 year old woman be attractive? ›A younger man can absolutely find an older woman attractive, and vice versa. Many beautiful women happen to be older; that doesn't mean they're not a good match for a young person! There are many reasons why young people are attracted to older people.
How to find a husband at 60? ›- Start with giving yourself a pep talk. ...
- Don't try to replace someone you've lost. ...
- Let friends and acquaintances know that you are open to meeting someone special. ...
- Be honest about what you're looking for. ...
- Consider online dating services as a way to enlarge your pool of eligible singles.
45 to 54 years – 63% will remarry. 55 to 64 years – 67% will remarry. 65 years and older – 50% will remarry.
What men over 60 want in bed? ›
For them, ladies come first
More often than not, older men like to pleasure their ladies as much as possible. If you're used to one orgasm per sex sesh, your older guy might just get you in the habit of going for multiple 'Os' every time you hit the sack with him.
After 60, your bones and joints begin to show signs of aging. As you age, you absorb less calcium from the food you eat. Your bones need calcium to stay strong, and without it, they become weak and brittle. Vitamin D, which decreases with age, helps your body utilize calcium.
How to look good at 60 for men? ›- Care for Your Hair. 1/9. Keep your style neat as you get older. ...
- Trim Things Up. 2/9. ...
- Shave Your Beard. Or Don't. ...
- Save Face. 4/9. ...
- Ease the Wrinkles. 5/9. ...
- Stick With Healthy Habits. 6/9. ...
- Flash Those Pearly Whites. 7/9. ...
- Dress the Part. 8/9.
You won't age out of sex.
But a comprehensive national study of sexuality and health among older adults shows that most people want and need sex well past 60, and continue to have it often—even well into their 80s.
Maximum dating age:
[Your age – 7] x 2 = maximum age limit. For example, if you're 60: The minimum dating age: [60 ÷ 2] + 7 = 37.
- He opens up to you.
- He shows genuine interest in your life.
- He makes an effort to spend time with you.
- He tries to help you out, however he can.
- He brags about what he has to offer.
- He texts you to check in with you.
- He asks about your relationship status.
They found that 53 percent of participants ages 65 to 74 had sex at least once in the previous year. In the 75-to-85 age group, only 26 percent did. (Lindau notes that a major determinant of sexual activity is whether one has a partner or not — and many older people are widowed, separated or divorced.)
Why is it harder to find love as you get older? ›As we mature we become a lot more self-reliant, self-assured, and self-loving and less likely to need a relationship in our lives to feel stable or validated. We want more than just companionship in our relationship; we look for it to be rewarding and meaningful.
Will I ever find love at 65? ›No one is ever too old to fall in love. And more Americans are remarrying or living together later in life than ever before. This is due, in large part, to increasing life expectancy. According to data from the Social Security Administration, if a man reaches the age of 65 today he can expect to live until about 84.
Is it too late to find love at 65? ›It is never too late to find love. In fact, seven-in-ten people over the age of 75 think that you are never too old for love. Gerontologists agree that romance, love and social activity are important parts of the ageing process.
How can I look pretty at 60? ›
- 7 Anti-Aging Tricks that Every Woman Over 60 Should Know. ...
- Wear a Genuine Smile. ...
- Spend Time with Young People. ...
- Burn Fat the Old Fashion Way – By Walking! ...
- Embrace Your Passions. ...
- Stop Helping the Clock by Smoking and Spending Time in the Sun. ...
- Give Your Skin What it Really Needs – Water and Nutritious Food.
- Maintain a Healthy Diet. ...
- Exercise or Move Every Day. ...
- Keep Your Brain Active. ...
- Stay Positive. ...
- Be Productive. ...
- Maintain Your Social Life. ...
- Be Consistent with Medical Care.
Ages 50-54: 65.8. Ages 55-64: 65.9. Ages 65-74: 64.9. Ages 75-84: 55.9.
What does a 70 year old man want in a woman? ›Here is what older men want when dating older women:
Smile – Smiling makes people more approachable. Make Him Feel Like a Man – He's not your best girlfriend in pants. Don't Play Games – No one has time for drama. Don't Be Too Serious – A good sense of humor is sexy.
- Meetups (or specifically meetups for singles)
- Network events for your industry.
- Alumni events from your college or high school.
- Sports clubs (like running, biking, soccer, triathlons, etc.)
- Gyms and yoga studios.
- Friends setting you up.
- Friends of friends at group gatherings.
According to the most recent data from the U.S. Census Bureau, divorce rates were highest (about 43%) among both sexes, aged 55 to 64. In other words, couples in long-term marriages, perhaps staying in a less-than-ideal situation until their kids left the proverbial nest, are now forging their own single paths.
Do people get divorced at age 60? ›In recent years, getting divorced after age 60 has become known as gray divorce, grey divorce, or silver divorce. In some cases, you might see the trend described as a late-life divorce or a post-retirement divorce. In short, these kinds of divorces are becoming more common, and they can have many benefits.
Do people marry after 65? ›There's no age limit for love and romance—but there are important points to consider before you tie the knot again.
Do older men last longer in bed? ›As men get older, some find they take longer to get an erection, and erections are longer to maintain. Conversely, younger men might ejaculate sooner than they'd like (although that can happen at any age).
Do most men over 60 have ED? ›The study demonstrated that ED is increasingly prevalent with age: approximately 40% of men are affected at age 40 and nearly 70% of men are affected at age 70. The prevalence of complete ED increased from 5% at age 40 to 15% at age 70. Age was the variable most strongly associated with ED.
Do most men have ED at 60? ›
ED can happen at any age, but it's more common in older men. By the time a man is in his 40s, he has about a 40% chance of having experienced ED. That risk increases by about 10% for each decade of life—a 50% chance in his 50s, a 60% chance in his 60s, and so on (Ferrini, 2017).
Can you transform your body at 60? ›No matter what your age, you can improve your fitness.
If it's been a long time since you've exercised and you're feeling less than fit, you might think that it's too late to make a change. But you're wrong. You can improve your fitness at any age.
Impotence/erectile dysfunction
Diabetes, kidney disease, chronic alcoholism, multiple sclerosis and cardiovascular disease account for many cases.
Researchers with Duke University's School of Medicine suggest that physical decline begins in the decade of the 50s and worsens as we age, especially for those who don't exercise.
What makes an older man attractive? ›The older men are well established in their careers; they are financially more stable, and the promise of a calmer life is something no woman can say to. It might come across as shallow, but women looking to settle down often tend to go for the nice guy with a stable job and a house.
What makes a man look older? ›“UV light exposure causes free radicals that damage collagen, elastin, and skin cells themselves. This leads to premature aging of the skin, with wrinkling, dark spots, and the development of skin cancers. Even short amounts of sun exposure on a daily basis add up over a lifetime,” he explains.
What features make men look younger? ›- 1) Use Warm (Not Hot) Water. ...
- 2) Keep Showers Short. ...
- 3) Use The Right Facial Cleansers. ...
- 4) Be Careful With Your Skin. ...
- 5) Moisturize. ...
- 6) Exfoliate. ...
- 7) Use Eye Cream. ...
- 8) Wear Sunscreen Every Day.
'Of course, men can fall passionately in love when they're older, but it is less likely because there is less spontaneity and less emotion at this age. There is also less of a reason, less need to form a relationship, especially after their children have grown up.
What percentage of men over 60 are single? ›These age differences bely huge differences by gender. Among men, those younger than 30 are by far the most likely to be single: About half of men in this age group (51%) are single, compared with only 27% of those ages 30 to 49 and 50 to 64 and 21% of men 65 and older.
What a man wants from an older woman? ›What attracts a younger man to an older woman? Why younger men are attracted to older women includes their experience, confidence, assertiveness, and maturity. A few years younger than a woman will likely find her life experience intriguing; he wants to learn about her and her life experience.
What do older guys like in a girl? ›
"Faithfulness, supportiveness and reliability are therefore traits that older men feel more attracted to, as opposed to being attracted to unpredictability and adventure." This doesn't mean that men in their later years don't want to have fun, but their priorities are just different and more mature than when they are ...
What a 55 year old man wants in bed? ›A lover who is confident in bed.
Men appreciate a woman who understands her own sexuality and for good reason. “Older men want someone who is comfortable in her own skin and who isn't afraid to be intimate,” says licensed sex and marriage therapist, Dr. Kat Van Kirk.
As you age, your perspective on love changes. The kind of relationship you want often differs from what you desired in your younger years. It's more about finding the right person instead of physical attraction. You're more confident, experienced, and have a better idea of what you want.
Do guys care about age difference? ›Romantic couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows. Studies have found partners with more than a ten-year gap in age experience social disapproval. But when it comes to our own relationships, both men and women prefer someone their own age, but are open to someone 10-15 years their junior or senior.
What percentage of people over 60 are single? ›According to the U.S. Census Bureau data, a significantly increasing number of people are staying alone as they age – 45 percent of Americans in their 50s and 60s are single today, in comparison to 28 percent in 1960.
Is 65 too old to get married? ›There's no age limit for love and romance—but there are important points to consider before you tie the knot again.
How do I date in my 60s? ›- Be Honest About What You Want: Being honest with your partner lets them know where you stand. You aren't making promises you cannot keep. ...
- Take Your Time: You don't have to deep dive into all the aspects of dating right away. Take your time to sort through them slowly.
They found that 53 percent of participants ages 65 to 74 had sex at least once in the previous year. In the 75-to-85 age group, only 26 percent did. (Lindau notes that a major determinant of sexual activity is whether one has a partner or not — and many older people are widowed, separated or divorced.)
How many men over 60? ›The number of Americans age 60 and older increased by 34% from 55.7 million to 74.6 million. In 2019, 30 million women and 24.1 million men were age 65 and older. That's 125 women for every 100 men. At age 85 and older, this ratio increased to 178 women for every 100 men.
How many 60 year olds are married? ›At least 9 in 10 adults ages 60 or older have been married. Specifically, 91% of men and 92% of women ages 60 to 69 and 95% of both men and women ages 70 or older have been married.
How do you know if a man over 60 likes you? ›
- He opens up to you.
- He shows genuine interest in your life.
- He makes an effort to spend time with you.
- He tries to help you out, however he can.
- He brags about what he has to offer.
- He texts you to check in with you.
- He asks about your relationship status.